I'm a gay white male amputee with ADD NOT voting for that gay white male amputee with ADD

BECAUSE THERE ISN'T ONE.

So unless you're an albino lesbian dwarf, or a Lithuanian Canasta addict with Rosacea, would y'all kindly STFU because I don't want to hear about it. Black...check. Woman...check. Mormon...check. Dumbass lawyer turned hack actor...check. Libertarian in moderates clothing with the supporters from hell...check. Dominionist in sheep's clothing who lost half his body weight, most of it from his brains...check. Womanizing moron supporting his mistress on the city's dime...check. We got Dopey, Grumpy, Sneezy, Donner and Blitzen, half the Partridge Family, three James Bonds and two of Liz Taylor's ex-husbands and we can't get ONE FUCKING HOMO??!!!

More after the jump (And I haven't been jumped in a loooong time--although I did go out on an honest-to-FSM date today, woo-hoooooo)...

And I mean a real homo--not that toe-tapping, ex-hooker, congressional page-chasing shit the rethugs pull. A gen-u-ine, out-loud-and-proud, LGBT "we're here, we're queer, we're going to the White House" homo. Is that too much to ask?

So listen up, y'all--if you got someone your color, your gender, your belief, your somatotype, your orientation who even vaguely resembles you, why dontcha give it a rest. In the meantime, support and vote for the candidate of your choice--just don't expect all of us to believe that their stuff don't stink, know what I'm sayin'?

And hey, have you really looked at Ron Paul? I hear you should--I think I read it somewhere...two or three MILLION F-ING TIMES!!!

We now return to our regularly scheduled snark....